Self-help has become a booming industry over the past few decades, but one question remains central for many people: Does self-help really work? From my own experience spanning over ten years, I can say that self-help does work—but only if you’re willing to put in the work, too.
Self-help has allowed me to gain more direction, become self-sufficient, and enjoy life more. At the same time, I’ve also fallen for some false narratives, especially when I was younger and less experienced.
Now, no matter what I’m reading or listening to, I approach self-help with a critical mindset, understanding that, of course, authors and speakers promote their own material and urge you to read lots of books, hire mentors and visit seminars. I am all for education, but there are many ways to educate oneself.
In this post, I’ll share insights from my journey, what I believe self-help can achieve, and some of the potential pitfalls.
How Self-Help Can Actually Help You
Tools—whether self-help books, seminars, or podcasts—can help us frame our thoughts and behaviors in constructive ways. These resources aren’t magical fixes but rather offer strategies and perspectives that can guide you toward the right decisions, actions and new ways of thinking over time.
Here are some of the most impactful ways self-help has benefited me:
1. Giving Direction: Self-help materials often provide ideas on how to solve problems or offer guidance on which steps to take next. This has been invaluable, especially since I had limited guidance growing up and needed to learn how to become self-sufficient.
2. Mindset Shifts: Self-help books and motivational speakers can promote new ways of thinking, helping you develop a positive attitude and approach situations with more resilience. At the beginning of my journey, motivational books made me feel inspired and hopeful.
3. Practical Strategies: Some self-help sources offer concrete methods for setting goals, building habits, and overcoming challenges.
4. Learning Communication Skills: Self-help gave me a foundation for improving my social skills and learning to express myself. Though I’m naturally more introverted, I was able to use self-help materials to strengthen my communication abilities and confidence in social situations.
5. Taking Responsibility: Self-help often emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility for your own life. Accepting responsibility can be empowering, as it gives you a sense of control and can motivate you to make positive changes.
You might also like: List of Personal Development Skills for Growth and Success
The Risks and Negatives of Self-Help
While self-help has its benefits, there are also risks—especially if you’re young and still learning what’s right for you. Here are some potential drawbacks I’ve discovered:
Recognizing Shallow Self-Help Content
1. Be selective: Not all self-help books offer real strategies. Some are filled with vague motivation that may not be useful. Books focused on how to achieve specific goals in areas like finance, mental health, or communication are generally more valuable than those that just pump you up.
In my early years, self-help books with motivational messages were inspiring and felt meaningful. But over time, I noticed that some content didn’t offer much besides motivation—no real strategies, just stories of people working relentlessly to achieve success. I’ve learned to be more selective with self-help content and seek resources that provide practical, actionable information. For example, books by authors like John Bradshaw focus on mental health and psychology, offering insights that are more grounded and applicable to real life.
“Motivation alone is not enough. If you have an idiot and you motivate him, now you have a motivated idiot.” — Jim Rohn
2. Burning Bridges: All or Nothing Mentally—early on, I internalized the message that I needed to be relentless in pursuit of my goal. While I archived my goals through this method and it was really intense and fun, in the end it led to the neglet of other areas in my life. I observed others and eventually realized that you can make progress and still enjoy life along the way.
3. Misleading Emphasis on Kindness: Kindness is often touted as the key to happiness in self-help circles—it’s a concept promoted everywhere. While kindness is indeed valuable, it’s just as important to set boundaries and assert yourself when needed. Constantly being “kind” or agreeable isn’t realistic or healthy and can lead to others taking advantage of you. My life has improved significantly since I embraced one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned: the importance of setting limits. Jordan Peterson’s ideas first introduced me to the concept of “disagreeableness” as a necessary skill.
The “kindness-first” mindset often found in self-help didn’t prepare me for situations where I needed to say “no” or stand up for myself. Being agreeable, empathetic and understanding is dangerous should be given out selectively. My self-help journey has taught me that asserting myself and setting boundaries are just as essential for keeping happiness, creating a healthier balance in my relationships and respect.
4. Burning Bridges in Pursuit of a Single Goal: Some speakers glorify extreme commitment, as if pursuing a goal means burning all other bridges.. In reality, you can work toward your goals while still taking care of yourself.
You don’t need to risk everything or “burn bridges” to make sure you archive a goal. Sometimes, having a “Plan B” available is good and can support your “Plan A”, when “Plan A” is not get ripe enough. It’s also crucial to remember that not everything depends on you alone—there are factors beyond your control, so don’t feel pressured to sacrifice everything in pursuit of a single goal. By preserving your options, you create flexibility to fall back on in emergency, giving yourself room to pivot if you need to.
5. Over-Focusing on Self: Many self-help books encourage intense self-focus, which, over time, can isolate you from others. I found that I became less social and more introspective than I wanted to be. It took years to realize that maintaining a balanced approach—including social connection and fun—was essential for my well-being.
6. Misconception “Make as many mistakes as you can.” While learning from mistakes is essential, so you do not repeat them. You can also learn from successess. Mistakes are valuable, yes—I’ve gained many lessons from them—but they shouldn’t be glorified. Sadhguru once pointed out that in certain situations, like in a war, you only have one chance, and mistakes are simply not an option.
Did Self-Help Actually Help Me?
In some ways, self-help filled a gap for me. I didn’t have enough of the guidance a child generally needs growing up, so I had to learn to be self-sufficient early on. Self-help played a big role in helping me find the right direction. At the same time, it was difficult for me to “unlearn” some of the limiting beliefs I’d picked up from self-help. For example, I used to think I had to sacrifice everything for my goals or be constantly kind.
See also: Valuable Lessons From My 20s & 30s That Impacted Me Powerfully
While self-help can provide valuable insights and strategies, it’s essential to balance self-improvement with enjoying life and connecting with others. You do not need to burn yourself out, practice focus, preseverence and discpline and plan the fun times into your life as well. You are only once in your 20s and 30s. There are things in your 20s which you will not be able to do anymore in your 30s and 40s and so on.
Does Self-Help Work? My Conclusion
Self-help can support you in learning any skill you want to master; it’s really simply about using available resources to teach yourself what you need to know. Early on, I realized a lot of what people read and teach—whether in school or in life—is simply taken from books or other resources so I thought—why not just read the material and teach myself? This realization made me more confident in taking things into my own hands and boosted my confidence in taking charge of my own learning and growth.
Self-help works if you use it wisely. It’s a tool to inspire change and growth, but the doing is all a matter that is left to us. We make it work or not work. The benefits come when you search and engage with it critically, applying only what’s genuinely helpful and discarding ideas that don’t resonate.
