What I’ve Learned About Life, Boundaries, and Fulfillment
Growing from my 20s into my 30s, I’ve learned a lot about what it means to protect my peace and set boundaries. It hasn’t been a perfect journey—far from it—but these lessons have shaped who I am today. Here are some of the most important takeaways that I hold close as I continue to navigate life’s ups and downs.
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1. Move in Silence
There’s something powerful about keeping your goals, dreams, and plans to yourself. I’ve learned that sharing them prematurely can expose you to unnecessary doubts and opinions. While you may tell yourself that you don’t care, it’s still something you heard that might affect you somehow. By moving in silence, you can focus on your actions without the pressure of others’ actions or expectations. Let them be misguided about what you’re actually doing; let them believe whatever they want about it, but keep your real moves close until it’s time to reveal them.
2. Be an Active Listener
One of the best skills you can develop is the ability to listen and read the room. Let people talk—give them space to share their thoughts, and pay attention. Often, you’ll learn a lot more by listening than by trying to insert your own views into every conversation.
3. Be Visible and Engage
In the workplace, visibility and engagement play a crucial role in how you’re perceived and treated. Unfortunately, those who engage less or don’t make themselves visible can be more vulnerable to disrespect or even bullying. Being present and actively involved encourages others to view you more favorably.
Even if it doesn’t come natural to you, by engaging openly, you create a positive impression that often leads to quicker, more receptive responses from colleagues and management alike. When you engage, closed doors have a way of opening more easily.
3. Speak with Confidence
People respond to confidence, even when you’re not entirely sure about you are saying. It’s not about pretending to know everything but rather about conveying your thoughts without hesitation. Insecurity, even when you’re correct, can weaken your point. This has been a dilemma I’ve struggled with for a long time because my experiences conditioned me this way. It took practice to overcome it. Trust in what you know and say it with confidence—it makes a difference.
4. Embrace Honesty, but Understand the Power of an Acting
Honesty is important, but sometimes a little tact or acting is necessary. Not everyone needs or wants to know every truth about you. Some people can handle honesty, while others might need a softer approach. Learn to gauge what each situation calls for—you have permission to be selective with how much you share and make things up situationally.
This isn’t for everyone and really depends on the kind of person you are. I’m not encouraging lying; for some people, it’s their whole character. Some people, like myself, have learned to be way too honest—and whether you believe it or not, I mostly preferred honesty, even if it had consequences. I believed it was the right way to communicate with others. Until…
5. Avoid Speaking Negatively About Yourself
It’s all too easy to slip into self-criticism. However, I’ve learned that sharing less negative experiences or doubts—even with people you feel comfortable with—can often lead to unexpected consequences. Those who thrive on drama will twist your words and create stories that can be used against you. If the relationship falls apart some people will try to use things against you, which I unfortunately experienced as well.
If you feel the need to share, and you need advice consider doing so anonymously or with trusted confidants who can maintain your confidence.
Ultimately, your experiences are yours, and protecting that narrative is key to cultivating a supportive environment around you.
“Don’t speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn’t know the difference. Words are energy and they cast spells, that’s why it’s called spelling. Change the way you speak about yourself, and you can change your life.”
BRUCE LEE
7. Keep Your Joy Private
“What’s given to you is meant for YOU to enjoy not others.” I’ve learned this lesson the hard way. Whenever I’ve shared something, things that were about to happen suddenly didn’t happen, as if speaking about them attracted negativity.
I’ve also experienced firsthand how people may plot against you simply because they couldn’t handle your success or joy. While this is not everyone, but to be on the safe side, this is why I believe that joy is even sweeter when it’s yours alone. The older I get, the more I find this to be true.
By keeping your plans, goals, and dreams close to your heart, you create a protective barrier around your happiness. They wont know what to attack. Sometimes, the less you reveal, the more powerful your experience becomes, allowing you to enjoy your victories without the interference of those who may not wish you well.
8. Accept That Some People Don’t Need a Reason To Hurt You
It’s a harsh reality, but you don’t have to hurt people for them to hurt you. How others treat you reflects them, while how you respond says everything about you. Sometimes, pain comes without reason or fairness, and recognizing this has been liberating for me.
Accepting that some people will cause harm without justification has allowed me to move through life with greater assertiveness and a peace of mind being so.
In my early 20s, I often tried to make things right for everyone, adopting a problem-solving mindset that made me believe I could fix interpersonal conflicts. However, I’ve come to understand that some people can’t be helped, not all people have the ability to think reasonably. Not all hurts are your fault, and not every slight requires an explanation. Embracing this mindset has freed me from the burden of trying to please everyone, allowing me to draw boundaries to keep my happiness and peace.
9. Don’t Be the Therapist Friend
Being the “therapist friend” often leads to one-sided relationships where your friends may value you solely for your support while draining your mental health, energy, and time but have nothing of the same value to give back. There’s a fine line between being supportive and becoming a personal therapist for others, and it’s crucial to recognize when you’ve crossed that line.
Setting boundaries around how much emotional labor you invest in your friendships is essential for your well-being. Your peace of mind should always come first.
10. Trust Your Own Advice
While advice from others can be helpful, it’s crucial to remember that nobody knows your life better than you do. Even a mentor, who may genuinely have your best interests at heart, can sometimes lead you astray. It’s essential to observe what’s happening around you, reflect on those experiences, and make decisions that resonate with your unique circumstances.
In my journey, I’ve had to unlearn a lot, and realizing the importance of trusting my own judgment has been one of the most transformative lessons. It felt like a knot that had been tightly bound finally opened, allowing me to move more smoothly through life.
Trust your inner guidance and intuition; you are the ultimate authority on your own path. Others may offer their opinions, but they don’t live in your shoes or understand your journey as you do.
11. It’s Okay to Be the Villain Sometimes
A lot of times setting boundaries will make you the “villain” in someone else’s story. People may react negatively when you assert yourself, say no, because they can’t take advantage of you anymore. In those cases, you have a good reason to stand firm. It’s important to go in with an accepting mindset, keeping in mind that standing up for yourself will upset some people for the reason I mentioned before.
Killing them with kindness doesn’t work
I’ve come to realize that the idea of “killing them with kindness” has a high potential to create toxicity in life. While kindness is often celebrated as a virtue and a key principle in self-help, I’ve found that it will easily lead to being perceived as weak and easy prey. Some people simply won’t stop or back down without assertiveness. It’s crazy to approach a dog that has gone wild with that kind of attitude, yet this is preached so much.
It’s essential to recognize that while kindness has it’s right place, it isn’t always the correct approach.
12. Saying Yes to Other Means Saying No—and Vice Versa
Agreeing to please others can often mean saying no to your own needs. I’ve experienced the feeling of betrayal within myself when I prioritized others over my own well-being, often out of a misguided sense of kindness and inability to say no. At first, I couldn’t understand why I felt this way, but I eventually realized: when you want to say no but instead say yes, you’re ultimately saying no to yourself. This inner conflict can create feelings of betrayal and even self-hate.
Learning to say no has been a liberating journey, allowing me to reclaim my time, energy, and happiness. The more I practice this, the more at peace I feel with myself. Setting clear boundaries not only honors my needs but also fosters healthier relationships.
13. Find Fulfillment in What You Have, and in What You Want
One of the biggest lessons in my 20s was that I’ve learned is the importance of both gratitude and ambition. Have what you want and want what you have. This balanced mindset creates a deep sense of fulfillment and appreciation for what you have.
